Author Topic: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach  (Read 402 times)

Offline cyn

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A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« on: March 10, 2012, 11:02:19 AM »
I smoked for almost 50 years and I stopped, you can do this....Cold Turkey and the cognitive quit is how I was just able to celebrated 3. 

Author ddsteve cognitivequitting.com

'Staying in your lane'

When you first learned to drive, you had to pay very close attention to how you stayed in your lane. Too close to the right and you made yourself steer to the left... just a bit, not too much, not too much, UHOH, TOO MUCH!! BACK TO THE RIGHT BACK TO THE RIGHT... and you did this for a while until you learned. Today, you fly down the highway at speeds of 60 mph, thinking about anything and everything EXCEPT which way you need to steer to stay in your lane. that element of driving became automatic behavior years ago.
Watch someone who knits. Most good knitters aren't watching their hands. It's become automatic behavior... the pressure, the touch, the movement.
As a rule, do you need to pay attention when you brush your teeth? Or has it become an automatic behavior of practiced motions that you just 'do'?

There are lots of patterns, lots of behaviors that we've practiced to automatic perfection. Driving is one. Smoking is another.

What if, for whatever reason, you need or want to change a behavior that's become automatic... for instance one element in the way you drive? In order to create a new driving behavior, you'd have to bring the same degree of awareness to the relearning process that was requisite for you to learn to drive the first time around. You'd need to pay close attention and practice the new 'driving behavior' in a structured conscientious manner until it became established and automatic. The same goes for change to any automatic pattern of behavior, whether it's driving or smoking.

'In the beginning'

Nicotine is addictive. No one argues otherwise, anymore.

I have no idea at what point I became addicted to nicotine. But it's a pretty safe bet that it was fairly soon after I started smoking. By 'addicted to nicotine' I'm talking only about that particular dynamic where a dropping level of nicotine resulted in symptoms of nicotine withdrawal. Nicotine effects the human body in fairly specific
and predictable ways. Granted we don't all feel them the same way, but we all know from personal experience how they feel. At one time or another we've all run out of smokes and  had to go without for 'too long'. Or we've sat in a meeting that just went on and on and on and "dear lord when can I get out of here and have a cigarette?" Or maybe it was a long flight only to sit waiting for a gate while you remained "seated with your seat belt fastened" and quietly climbed out of your skin. We all know what nicotine withdrawal feels like.

Four of the first withdrawal symptoms for most smokers are: increased muscle tension (that antsy jumpy 'clenched' sensation), shallow breathing (truthfully, most of us haven't a clue how we're breathing until we start to pay attention), foggy thinking or difficulty concentrating (we know when our thinking is sharp and when it isn't), and a shift in mood (if it was past time for me to smoke, I became one cranky piece of work. what about you?). Pull out a cigarette, light up, and every one of those withdrawal symptoms just disappears...within seconds... until your nicotine level drops and it all starts coming back around. Every time we lit up and created a bit of change in our withdrawal symptoms it was like practicing steering to stay in your lane. And just like driving, with time and practice, lighting up to relieve body cues of withdrawal became automatic.

That was the beginning. Then, somewhere around the time we'd trained our auto pilot to light up in response to those subtle symptoms of withdrawal, our smoking behavior started to drift into other areas. Feeling a bit irritable or angry... a cigarette would bring a bit of 'calm'. Feeling a bit down, a cigarette seemed to provide relief. Bored? Light up. Driving? Light up. Hungry, tired, lonely, on the phone, at the computer .... light up. So how did smoking come to be associated with so much of life?

Two reasons:
First, because getting through your day, whatever that day may be, involves most of the same physical sensations, body cues, as nicotine withdrawal.
And second, because auto pilots don't care why you're tense, barely breathing, groggy, and/or grumpy. They only care about immediate effective responses and will repeatedly connect the response they've been taught will get the job done, especially if it 'worked' last time. Every time we smoked and created an intended change, it was just like learning to drive. With time and practice, lighting up to change the body cues of life became automatic.

That's how I smoked my way through 35yrs of life. I think that automatic behavior of smoking in response to certain body cues, regardless of what caused them, is at the center of smoking for most if not all of us.
Quit date: March 3, 2009

Offline FlatironMike

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Re: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2012, 11:17:15 AM »
^^thankyou^^  Cyn, for this post.  The hardest part of gaining smobriety is re-learning how to live with out smoking and still being in a good mental space.   We all know how bitchy we were/are at the beginning of the quit because we are starving the demon and it is not at all happy about that.  Until it's killed off, it is a battle and you have to solder on focused on the goal of smobriety or sooner or later the demon will strike at the wrong time for you and whoops, there goes the quit. 

While I did not consciously follow Steve's hour-review method when I got smober this time, I was acutely aware of body tension and breathing and by working with them was able to de-trigger many of the urges until they simply stopped.

Gaining smobriety is not easy but it is doable.  Certainly the fear of failure does keep some folk smoking but if you just accept the odds that you might slip but just get back on the wagon and do it again, sooner or later the quit can stick!

Just keep on  :kickbutt: and certainly WE are lucky to have this space to compare notes and maintain our sanity while we do it!

FlatironMike
smober today
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Offline shanlung

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Re: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2012, 07:36:35 AM »
I was doing about 45 years, and was on 3-4 packs a day, smoked 3/4s and later to 50++ a day , smoked to the butt.

Quit cold turkey and toughed it out.
Never read any tracts or theory before hand.

Just kind of say FUCKED IT!  I AM GOING TO STOP!

One incredible month, one wonderful week, five luvly days, 22 bloody hours, 6 misc minutes and 5 odd seconds.
2283 stinking cigarettes not smoked, saving $1,084.84.
Life saved: 1 week, 22 hours, 15 minutes.
Warmest regards

Shanlung
山 龍

http://shanlung.com/

Offline ddsteve

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Re: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2012, 08:58:39 AM »
... we are starving the demon and it is not at all happy about that.  Until it's killed off, it is a battle...

I have admit that I've never really grasped who or what the 'demon' is. Could someone explain in some detail what it's about?

Offline elle

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Re: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« Reply #4 on: March 11, 2012, 09:23:27 AM »
... we are starving the demon and it is not at all happy about that.  Until it's killed off, it is a battle...

I have admit that I've never really grasped who or what the 'demon' is. Could someone explain in some detail what it's about?

Steve, my take (as someone who never used the "demon" analogy):  The demon is us.  We all have our own inner demon that draws us back toward our addictive substance like a moth to a flame.  It's in our mindset, our beliefs, our physiological wiring that's altered due to nicotine use.  This is the part of us that needs to change if we're going to stay quit.  How to change it is the big question mark. 

Some people find it helpful to externalize that part of themselves and I suppose that's what all the demon talk is about.  For me, that never helped, because I felt like I was fighting against myself all the time.  I had to give myself permission to feel all that crap and look at it in a different way in order to fully accept the quit.  But not everyone is like me. 

So, where some people thought they had a demon to fight, I found I had an "inner brat" that just wanted what she wanted when she wanted it and didn't want to hear the word "no."  For me, I had to take some time with that part of myself and help the inner brat to grow up a little.  I still have an inner brat, and she still wants what she wants, but for many years she has no longer tried to convince me that smoking tobacco is a good idea because I took the time to convince her that it isn't. 

So, that was my version of 'the demon.'  Unorthodox, but it worked for me.   
Quit Date:  March 11, 2000

Offline SteveS

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Re: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« Reply #5 on: March 11, 2012, 09:40:01 AM »
+1.
Some people call it the "demon," some call it the "inner brat"....  I called it the "fuckwad."  The moniker is irrelevant, at least to me:  they all refer to the little internal voice that says stuff like:
"It's OK to have just one."
"I'll quit when it's less stressful."
"I'm afraid I will gain weight."
It is perhaps the alter ego or some sort of self-destructive aspect of our inner personality that gives this voice such power, and manifests itself in all the forms of junkie thinking.
Just my .02 worth.

... we are starving the demon and it is not at all happy about that.  Until it's killed off, it is a battle...

I have admit that I've never really grasped who or what the 'demon' is. Could someone explain in some detail what it's about?

Steve, my take (as someone who never used the "demon" analogy):  The demon is us.  We all have our own inner demon that draws us back toward our addictive substance like a moth to a flame.  It's in our mindset, our beliefs, our physiological wiring that's altered due to nicotine use.  This is the part of us that needs to change if we're going to stay quit.  How to change it is the big question mark. 

Some people find it helpful to externalize that part of themselves and I suppose that's what all the demon talk is about.  For me, that never helped, because I felt like I was fighting against myself all the time.  I had to give myself permission to feel all that crap and look at it in a different way in order to fully accept the quit.  But not everyone is like me. 

So, where some people thought they had a demon to fight, I found I had an "inner brat" that just wanted what she wanted when she wanted it and didn't want to hear the word "no."  For me, I had to take some time with that part of myself and help the inner brat to grow up a little.  I still have an inner brat, and she still wants what she wants, but for many years she has no longer tried to convince me that smoking tobacco is a good idea because I took the time to convince her that it isn't. 

So, that was my version of 'the demon.'  Unorthodox, but it worked for me.   
What are you waiting for?  Quit now!
Quit date 10 July 2002.

Offline Wayne Baker

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Re: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« Reply #6 on: March 11, 2012, 10:22:32 AM »
My take is that Demon = the Addict or Junkie part of my personality.  That would also be the insane part since anyone sane would never do what I did to my body for so many years.

WayneB 

Offline ddsteve

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Re: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« Reply #7 on: March 11, 2012, 12:31:33 PM »
... she still wants what she wants... 

Yeah, I've got one of those too. Personally, any time I try to fight mine, it seems that no one wins.

...for many years she has no longer tried to convince me that smoking tobacco is a good idea because I took the time to convince her that it isn't.

For me it was a bit of retraining. But yes, cooperative effort did the job.

Elle, are you at all concerned that your brat might suddenly try to convince you to smoke?


Thanks Elle, thanks Steve and Wayne.

Offline ddsteve

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Re: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« Reply #8 on: March 11, 2012, 12:48:06 PM »
+1.
Some people call it the "demon," some call it the "inner brat"....  I called it the "fuckwad."

I call it "Warren". I've got a picture of him > http://cogquit.com/Warren.jpg and I've even got a story about him entitled The Parable of Warren    :)


The Parable of Warren
Warren was the widget weigher for Whichway Widget Works Ltd. He’d been the widget weigher since the company began many years ago. Warren cheerfully sat on his stool near the end of the widget assembly line where he’d weigh each widget and, depending on a widget’s weight, he’d decide where it would go, this way or that. When it came to weighing widgets, Warren was a wonder. In fact, Warren was so good that he could often tell a widget’s weight at a glance. There was a mechanical precision to the way Warren shunted widgets. This was Warren’s work, hour after hour, day after day, week… month… year after year. No one paid much attention to Warren, though they were certainly grateful for him. He was simply always... there.

Now you might be thinking that Warren must be a bit odd to cheerfully sit and weigh widgets all day, let alone year after year. Could there be a job more tedious or mind-numbing? Some of Warren’s co-workers wondered was he wanting in wit? In truth, Warren was just a simple soul of singular focus. He was a reliable, cheerful, and devoted Widget Works worker, who never wearied or made a mistake.

As time went on, the pressures of a changing market required changes to widgets and how they were constructed. Shifting demographics meant that now there was a want for widgets in different colors. Micro chips had made it possible to produce ‘wise widgets’.
 
One day, management called all the widget workers to a meeting and explained that in order for Whichway to continue to exist as a viable company, changes to both the widgets and the assembly line would have to be implemented. As it turned out, the change to Warren’s work was a relatively small one. In addition to weighing the widgets, he now had to take into account color and whether a widget was wise. Only then could Warren correctly determine where to send the widget.

It was expected that there would be a certain amount of confusion and chaos as the new procedures and routines were introduced. While most of the  widget workers managed to incorporate the new procedures with a minimum of difficulty and disruption, Warren was having a terrible time with the changes to his job. He was confused, frustrated, and frightened. Warren reacted as many people might and that’s to focus even more intently on what’s familiar and to hold on even tighter to what they know. In Warren’s case, it was widget weight only.

Warren’s co-workers began to notice that widgets were going awry. They questioned who was throwing a wrench in the works. When they found out who, they weren't at all pleased. A few called him stupid and stubborn. One accused him of sabotage. Another reasoned that if Warren wasn’t taking widget color, weight and intelligence into account, then his results were incorrect and, in effect, lies. The more he was pointed at, accused, and attacked, the tighter Warren clung to his old patterns.

Management was in a wicked dilemma over what to do. Warren had been a loyal and reliable employee for years. But what if he just couldn’t handle the new criteria for determining which way a widget went? What if they couldn’t find another to do Warren's work? Was there anyone who could ever do Warren’s job nearly as well?

And then, when it seemed as though there was no way to solve this problem, soft spoken, shy little Wendy stepped forward and said to management, “Warren isn’t witless, he isn’t a saboteur, and he doesn’t lie. The very attribute  that’s made him such an important member of the Widget Works team for all these years is what now stands in the way of him doing the job you need him to do. And that attribute is his ability to focus completely and exclusively on his job. It seems to me that the problem here is that you’ve told him that he must change, but you haven’t shown him how. If you’ll let me help Warren, I think we can have him up to speed very soon.” Management, desperate for a solution to the problem, agreed immediately.

Wendy took Warren aside and started to talk with him. She acknowledged his years of perfect service. She complimented him on his remarkable abilities. She asked him questions about his job and engaged his trust. Soon they were talking about widget weight, color, and wisdom. Wendy led Warren to the widget line and asked him to show her, very slowly so she could understand, how he did his job. When he hesitated with widget color, she helped him see that there were really only a few different colors and they were easy to name. With Wendy’s help, Warren discovered that he could discern, without worry, if a widget was wise or not. She listened and watched and helped him warm to directing which way widgets went according to color and weight and wit. Slowly, a bit hesitantly, Warren started to develop a rhythm of checking color, then weight, then wit. In a relatively short time, Warren was winging widgets this way and that with the same accuracy and consistency with which he’d previously only weighed widgets. All he had really needed was for someone to show him how to change, to lead him through the new patterns.

Epilogue

Each of us is a Widget Works. Your body cues are widgets that require direction.  You are a co-worker who will either ridicule and criticize, or who, like Wendy, will help your auto-pilot develop new non-smoking responses. And finally, we each have an auto-pilot, a Warren, who monitors our body cues, is constantly vigilant, and will forever do only what he’s been trained to do. We cannot fire him, we cannot do his work for him, and we ignore him at our peril. But we can retrain our Warren. Once retrained and working with new criteria , he will continue to be the Warren we’ve always depended on to smoothly, mechanically, and correctly direct our widgets.

Offline elle

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Re: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« Reply #9 on: March 11, 2012, 03:38:09 PM »


Elle, are you at all concerned that your brat might suddenly try to convince you to smoke?



Not really.  I have had rare, fleeting moments during which the memory of smoking sort of haunted me but it's not something I can really imagine myself doing. 

I guess I can imagine it in a scenario where I had some sort of total breakdown, over-the-edge, horrible despair thing happening in my life, but at that point, smoking would be the least of my worries.  And I've had a lot of grief and pain since I quit, but I've never made it to that point yet. 

In any other imagined scenario, the person who would have to consciously pick up and light up just wouldn't be able to go there.  I have no desire to smoke.  Zero. 

However, I'm pretty sure that if I did smoke, I'd probably not just smoke one.  So there isn't any room for compromise, and there wouldn't be, even if I wanted to. 

Fortunately, I don't want to. 
Quit Date:  March 11, 2000

Offline Sparky

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Re: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« Reply #10 on: March 15, 2012, 02:51:02 AM »
Hi CYN.
Cognitive quitting allowed me to believe that I could quit. I decided to quit.  I found AS3 an quitbuddies.org. They kept me going through the really hard times. I pray a lot too. I have it made now. I will never smoke again, not even before a firing squad.
Thank you AS3 and jef  ###bow_left###
Fred
Seven years, four months, three weeks, three days, and 50 minutes. 54060 cigarettes not smoked, saving $8,109.23. Life saved: 26 weeks, 5 days, 17 hours, 0 minutes.
The arrow of time points forward.
The arrow of time begins now.

Offline FlatironMike

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Re: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« Reply #11 on: March 15, 2012, 11:02:11 AM »
Thank you, DDSteve, for the Parable of Warren and how we need to re-learn our body cues to really get a handle on our smobriety and make it successful for the long run! You really have given many folk the tools we need to get and stay smober and I do  -hatsoff- to you, especially today!

FlatironMike
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Offline ddsteve

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Re: A look at quitting with the cognitive approach
« Reply #12 on: March 15, 2012, 11:10:09 AM »
Thanks Mike  :)

It's only because that perspective and process seem to 'work' for just about everyone who uses it that I keep throwing it out there. Otherwise, I'd have wandered off to fly a kite many years ago.  ;)