Quit smoking / stop smoking discussion support area > The ICU!
Me too...
Icandothis:
Well another attempt bites the dust for me...still I did get 52 days in this time. I have so many things going on right now that I simply ran out of energy to continue fighting off smoking as well. My marriage is failing big time, my daughter is still not out of the woods yet, my son is looking down the barrel of a relapse after being alcohol and drug free for 2 and half years and I am just so goddamn tired, mentally. I did not realize what a self-centred, self-absorbed, arrogant, ill mannered and bad tempered SOB that I am married to. Now that I am retired I see more of him that I have the entire time we have been married (second time round for both of us)...he works shift work and has numerous call outs and overtime, whilst I worked the typical 9 to 5 in my later work years. Before I gave up counselling, I worked all hours and weekends as well. He has no comprehension of having to apologise for his bad behaviour and hurtful words, he never says thank you for anything and does not believe he has to.
I really could have been paying more attention. His two kids do not speak to him (man, that one really is a biggie and I accepted his excuses of why that has happened without question...stupid me!!!!) and yes, it is my daughter that has cancer and my son who is in trouble right now. He has no understanding of the struggle this has been for any of us. I really could scream at him. I get that he does not want to hear about problems at home after dealing with problems all shift long, and I get that he only gets to see the underbelly of society but that does not give him the right to be a prize prick. He is sooo judgemental and self-opinionated about everything that I feel I just want to smack him upside until he shuts up long enough to actually hear what others are saying.
Anyway, I need to get my head right and I need to put the smokes down again. I get that there really is no valid excuse for smoking but I simply do not have the energy to fight that at present. I am sooo over listening to his whining and whinging and I have discovered that one of my smoking triggers is 'tuning' him out by going outside to smoke. I also found out that smoking is my way of dealing with his self-centredness and hurtful words. I go outside and he doesn't follow. Stopping smoking highlighted this and of course the inevitable followed...I opened my eyes to a lot of stuff that I really should have been dealing with. At my age it is easier to 'ignore' than 'confront'.
I cannot believe I am actually writing all this personal out, I generally put a 'humour' tag on this sort of stuff to keep people at a distance...another bad habit..
Anyway, as soon as I get over the 'fuck-its' I will be back because I will never give up giving up. As for these other issues, well time will no doubt sort these situations out one way or the other.
Thanks guys...
BessieBee:
Don'g go away, Icandothis! Stay here and read and post as necessary!! Set a quit day (soon, hopefully) but don't leave here. AS3 will be here for as long as you need and will give you the support you want. {{{hug}}}
^^wave^^
SteveS:
I hear you and feel for you big time. So many people have blown quits because of simply running out of energy to deal with other crap going on. You have some serious shit on your plate, that's for sure.
When your head is in the right place, ask yourself one question: would any of the stuff you have on your plate go away, or be different, if you smoked?
elle:
You need to spend more time here and less time in the stuff that's dragging you down. Few of us get this right the first time, but there's a "best time to quit" just like there's a "best time to die," and failing to do one will surely hasten the other. I hope you will pull up a chair and breathe new life into your quit attempt. It could be one good thing you get out of this difficult time in your life. It's also a lot easier to move forward without the chain of this addiction dragging you down.
shanlung:
--- Quote from: Icandothis on June 17, 2012, 09:53:18 AM ---Well another attempt bites the dust for me...still I did get 52 days in this time. I have so many things going on right now that I simply ran out of energy to continue fighting off smoking as well.
Thanks guys...
--- End quote ---
Tough the way life works out for you.
I gave up on a couple of quits because shit did hit my fan that time.
Best of luck to you and hope you come out of your current set of problems even stronger.
And when you want to stop again, you know this group will stand by you and help you to help yourself.
HUGS!
I have kicked Old Nic for Four incredible months, three wonderful weeks, 1 bloody hour, 33 misc minutes and 10 odd seconds of cold turkey after about 45 years of smoking. 7387 stinking cigarettes not smoked, saving $3,509.00. Life saved: 3 weeks, 4 days, 15 hours, 35 minutes
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